I’d love to give credit to whoever wrote this, but alas, I have no clue. A sharer (who also didn’t know who the writer was) at www.tgtbt.com passed it along some time ago and it made me laugh.
ODE TO A CONSIGNOR
What a sight she was when she opened the door
Prancing in to my consignment store,
Big hair, big boobs
Big Attitude
“This purse is a Coach”
But it was spelled “Goach”.
“All of this and there’s nothing you can take?
Not even this purse?” “Nope, it’s a fake”.
I pity the nauga that sacrificed his hide,
for her “designer” shoes, in a triple E wide.
“This sweater is new, see the tags?”
Her items were wadded in big, black, trash bags.
Take an item, do I dare,
Spend an hour removing cat hair?
My eyes begin to water, my head starts to ache
she must smoke a carton a day for Pete’s sake!
Stirrup pants, a snap crotch body suit,
Acid washed jeans, high waisted, and tapered to boot!
Can it get better? Can it get worse?
Oh look at the great vinyl Chanel purse
I think poor Coco just rolled over in her grave.
Only four trash bags to go, I must stay brave
Some items have tags from another consignment store
I think it’s beens six years since they closed their door.
Faded Glory shorts and a Bobbie Brooks tank
With brands like these, we’ll go straight to the bank
Especially in November, out the door they will fly
Who wouldn’t buy now to wear in July?
She gets out her glasses to read the contract,
Crosses things out, then hands it back.
“See that great jacket? I’d like $50 for that”
The $10 clearance tag is still intact.
“I didn’t know you don’t do mens”
Obviously this is her first time in.
I stop sorting to ring up a sale
On me she starts to rail
“I have an appointment, your time is mine
Look at my stuff, sell theirs’ another time.”
I suggest she browse while I sort
But she has the perfect retort
“Sorry dear,
I’d never shop here.
I’m honest, I won’t lie
Your prices are just too high
Speaking of prices, you should ask more
For my sweater is a Jennifer Moore
Don’t price this one so low,
I bought it in California, don’t ya know?”
From California it may be
But the tag still says “Kathie Lee”
Eight bags down, only one to go
Who knew it could sink so low?
Hark! an item I can take
I actually found something great
“Oh, I think I’ll change my mind
I’ll take that back, if you’d be so kind.”
Her children are screaming and climbing in a rack
Discipline and manners they sorely lack
That’s it. I’m done. I can’t take any more
I just want to yell, “Get out of my store!”
“I love my clothes. To visit them, I”ll be back.
I hope you don’t have a problem with that?”